Monday, December 22, 2008

How Much

December 22nd, Somewhere in VA

C- "How much?" (The small woman is clearly not a native english speaker)
Me- " How much is what, ma'am?"
C- "How much?" (Points at the demonstration pan with vegetables in it)
Me- "The vegetables?"
C- "How much?" (Raises voice to a near scream and points to, from where I'm standing, is the same pan)
Me- "I don't understand what you are asking about?"
C- "How... much?" (Brings her finger close to the burner plate under the pan)
Me- "I don't sell these heating units."
C- (Throws hands up into the air and yells) "What you sell? Food!?"
Me- "Cookware." (I point to the display in front of me. I speak softly in the hopes that she'll lower her voice)
C- "No good."

Santa's Elves

December 22nd, Somewhere in VA

Me- (Presenting to two women in their 40's, dressed up, and they both appear drunk. I've just finished the part about the quality handles)
C1- "Handles are silicone?"
Me- "Yup."
C2- "Slide 'em off [name]!" (Makes a slow rubbing motion and they both giggle.)
C1- "'Bout the right size, the one on the large pan." (Waves the grip at her friend)
C2- "Shake it girl!"
C1- "Many uses for these parts...hmmm."
C2- "Maybe I'll go try this one out!" (They both erupt with laughter. Turns attention to me) "Please? It's Christmas, man!"
C1- "She ain't too proud to beg!" (They start to sing that 90's song in unison, very off-key)
Note: They end up buying multiple sets.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Match Point

December 8th, Somewhere in VA

C- (Very large young woman approaches my booth with what looks to be her family [sisters & mother?]) "Businesses these days."
Me- "Excuse me?"
C- "No excuses, chef-man. Can't guarantee nothin'. Nothin'. Probably go bankrupt soon. Then where ya gunna cook, chef?"
Me- (I stare, silent, watching her gnaw at a tiny shrimp on a toothpick.)
C2- (Woman who looks to be mother of [C] speaks) "Don't worry, [name], he's just a pee-on."
C- "Keep cookin' it up with your crap promises, chef." (Looks at the banner hanging behind me)
"Weight loss friendly? What if I like being fat? Can this (pauses to swallow) business here guarantee I won't lose weight? Don't think so."
Me- (I watch silently as the group leaves.)

Full of Bleach

December 8th, Somewhere in VA

C- (Woman is very animated and seems to want to buy, but keeps on making me show her more and more...) "I hate scrubbing pans. How do you clean them without water? Show me."
Me- (I wipe the pan clean with a paper towel)
C- "I don't use paper towels. They're full of bleach and very wasteful. I use a washable rag. Do you use a rag at home? Does it work? I need to know. Do you have one behind there? I need to see that."
Me- (I wipe it out with a new rag, and it begins to burn the microfiber rag. I panic and toss it on the ground behind the booth.) "Maybe not microfiber on a 400 degree pan." (I grab a piece of paper.) "You can use just about anything though." (I attempt to clean the rest of burnt food out with the paper, and succeed.)
C- "That's wasteful too. Paper's full of bleach. Did you know that? I guess you just don't get it." (Takes off her scarf and hands it to me.) "OK. Burn more milk. I need to see if this works, I need to see. You understand, right?"

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Lesson Learned

December 5th, Somewhere in VA

Me- (I have just finished my pitch about not having to use oil or butter)
C- "So I can use oil if I want, right?"
Me- "Yes, of course."
C- "What about blubber?"
Me- (I deliver with a bit of sarcasm) "Are you a nineteeth century whaler?"
C- (Silent at first, and then increasingly stern) "Whales aren't hunted legally in the United States, son. There are serious fines involved."