Thursday, October 30, 2008

Family Planning

October 30th, Somewhere in MD

(Older man, 70ish, walks around the booth a few times, then stops and speaks the following softly when no one else is around)
C-"Do you know where the raincoats are, sir?" (Has hand over mouth)
Me- "Well, I'm here in the Meat Department, so I don't think those would be around here. Clothing is in back of us." (I know what he's referring to, though I can't help but to play dumb.)
C- (Laughs nervously) "I know they don't keep the condoms with the pork."
Me- "Oh, sorry, probably over near the pharmacy."
C- "Shit. My wife is over there, and they all know us. Guess I'm famous for refills of a certain drug."
Me- (I make a puzzled look at him like I need more info to compute his explanation.)
C- "Her sister's more shapely."
Me- (I nod my head like I understand as he thanks me.)

Ball & Chain

October 30th, Somewhere in MD

C- "Looks good, but I don't purchase anything without talkin' to my wife first."
Me- "Really." (I stare at him with a slightly furrowed brow, hoping he'll elaborate.)
C- "You got a fat wife who's strong? ( He doesn't wait for my reply.) I do, so I'll either be back, or not."

Thursday, October 23, 2008

As Seen On TV

October 23rd- Somewhere in MD

(Guy approaches me, then stares at me saying nothing.)
Me- "Hi. Have you seen this stuff on TV yet?"
C- "I don't own a TV, so NO." (Stops in front of my booth, looks at his watch, then down at the cookware on the table.)
Me- "Oh, you must cook though, right?"
C- "Go fuck yourself." (Walks away shaking head.)