Saturday, January 31, 2009


January 31st, Somewhere in FL

Me- (I'm sitting down behind the booth, reading something, and a man dressed in a suit approaches. He wears a camo ballcap that kind of floats on the top of his bald head. I do not know him, though he thinks he knows me. And, apparently, my father) "Hi, there."
C- "Was over on Cedar Ridge, man. Right by that pull-off. Whew! And I was parked, you know. Parked up on [name] road about halfway up after you get off the highway, right. A deer, probably an 8 pointer, comes running out of nowhere. Nowhere, I'll tell you. Rammed the back of my truck bed on the passenger's side, and then that damned animal took off again. If I had that gun, you know, the one that your daddy gave me before he up and left for Austin I would of taken him down. I need to bang that dent out, but Gill's got the hammers over at his shop. Hell if I got gas for that trip, especially after my scare today. Didn't know where I was driving, and didn't get that phonecall. (Goes on about a dog and how he couldn't find her, but that was a 3 minute conversation that I don't recall most of. I was hoping that someone else would see us talking, and might come over to look at the pans.) "So, gotta go buy some food." (He adjusts his hat, shakes my hand, and walks away.)

Friday, January 30, 2009


January 30th, Somewhere in FL

C- "I'm looking for something that will work on induction stovetops. Will this work on those?"
Me- "Sorry, this won't work. What you need has to react to a magnet."
C- "Looks like it might." (She picks up the pan and scrtaches the bottom, and knocks on it.)
Me- "Can I borrow a pan and try it out? Do you have a sign-out sheet?" (Stares at me.)

Thursday, January 29, 2009


January 29th, Somewhere in FL

Me- "Would you like to take home a set today?"
C- "The price is pretty good." (Pauses and speaks in Spanish to his wife. I understand the gist of what he's saying, but pretend not to.) "I'll buy it if you can give me another 20% off. Deal, my friend?"
Me- "Can't. I don't make those decisions on pricing, sir"
C- "Fine, give me 30% off, and I'll buy two sets!"
Me- "I have no control over the price. You are already getting a big discount."
C- "How much?" (I point at a sign and he reads)
Me- "60%. Buy two, and that's 120% off!" (At this point I had given up, and was joking with him, not expecting what came next.)
C- "Wow. OK, sounds great, friend." (Buys two.)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Storage Space

January 23rd, Somewhere in FL

C- "Can I put them into the oven?"
Me- "Yes you can. Just like this."
C- "What about if I'm actually baking?"
Me- (I laugh a little) "You put pots into the oven... and don't turn the oven on?"
C- "What? No. Well, sometimes."
Me- (I give him an inquisitive look.)
C- "I store leftovers in my other stoves that I keep outside. Works well around here when it gets chilly."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


January 14th, Somewhere in GA

C-"Got any brats here? They used to sell 'em right here. Where are they?"
Me- "I don't work here, sir. I'm the cookware guy."
C- "You look like you'd know."
Me- "You mean, like I'm German?"
C- "No, like you eat plenty of 'em."
Me- "Oh. I can point you to the vinegar."
C- "Excuse me?" (He's got his sunglasses on inside the store, and makes a point to lower them on the bridge of his nose so he's looking straight at me.)
Me- "Probably making sauerkraut, right?"
C- "For a second I thought you were talking some shit, chef. What are you gettin' at?"
Me- "Might want to ask those folks over there." (I point, and he walks away, confused.)
C- (Comes back to my booth about 5 minutes later...) "You think I'm a douchebag, huh? I got that reference. I ain't dumb. I'll be lookin' for you when you leave tonight."
Me- "It's OK, don't bother. I'm feeling fresh."

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Daytime Emmy

January 10th, Somewhere in GA

C-"They're too heavy." (Feebly tries to lift a small saucepan)
Me- "Compared to what?"
C- "I'm too old to cook. Too heavy for me, you know. What if I drop the pan on the floor with boiling soup or something, huh?"
Me- "Wouldn't want that. Who cooks your meals for you, ma'am?"
C- "My son, praise the Lord. He's a true blessing. You must be for your family, too. Such a nice young man. He used to be (leans forward and whispers at me) one of them gay boys. Not any more. Loved our neighbor. Neighbor was a bastard, though. Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be tellin' you this. Anyway, I lost everything when he robbed us and brought shame to [name]. It's true."
Me- (I nod, and have nothing to say, so I keep nodding. I can tell she needs to talk, so I listen.)
C- "He'd love these. Maybe keep him from going back."
Me- "OK."
C- "Can't lift nothin', and it's only me. How am I going to get this in the house? I can keep these in the car until he comes back from the hospital."
Me- "He's in the hospital?"
C- "Yes, in a coma. Almost died before, twice."
Me- (At this point, I have no idea how I'm supposed to respond.)
C- "Thank you so much." (She blankly smiles then walks away. Later, when talking to a store employee, I come to find that the lady is another employee's mother, who's been gossiping some soap opera drama on her visits.)